at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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