He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
