I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
