We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
