Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize