dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
