why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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