best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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