Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
