I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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