can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
