first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
