You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
