You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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