I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize