Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Two words: nipple clamps
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