I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
