I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
