i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is my gift to your gina
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
