I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
