I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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