So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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