It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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