Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
