Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My dick has a subreddit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
