I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
