Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
