Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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