so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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