So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
