halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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