sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
