1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
