Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mom said you looked used
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
