I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize