How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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