So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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