I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
