if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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