I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize