It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were trust falling into bushes
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