Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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