well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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