My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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