You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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