i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
