If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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