I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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