I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
