I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
