BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
