Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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