Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He? As in you personified your dick?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
