Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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