You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
