Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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