Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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