Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
