She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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