But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
