I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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