I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize