there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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