My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
