I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
