Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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