I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
