Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
