You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
