After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
