All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
