btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
