Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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