I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
