what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
