If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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