brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
