They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
