I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
