She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
