So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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