is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
