what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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