If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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