I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
