You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
