eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
