Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
