did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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