before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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