I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we're so committed to being not committed
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