I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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