I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need water and some morals
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
