you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
