I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
