my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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