Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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