i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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