yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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