I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
