There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
