the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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