its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
