I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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