Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
